New Blog URL

In case you’ve StumbledUpon this blog by chance, here is a handy link to take you to its new location: http://www.fowlertown.com/daniel/blog

Undeserved Inspiration

I just had an interesting revelation as I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep. I had to write it down (or type it out, rather) because I'm certain I wouldn't have remembered it by morning.

You know that paranoia that people face in the early stages of attraction to another person? It's the feeling that you're not good enough for them, like they're out of your league. You get a little afraid that they are going to overlook you, and that if you don't do better [at life], you will lose them. It's a "pedestal conviction," so to speak. I hypothesize that this is actually a very very good indication that one's feelings for that person are virtuous.

When two people see each other for awhile, it's rather common that one person will have feelings of inferior worth. Like your other half is better than you, that you don't deserve them. Good. I mean bad, but if you receive these feelings in a healthy manner, it is actually quite good.

It is a virtue. A sort of tangent on a very overlooked biblical command for relationships, which is to build each other up; to inspire one another. Your partner should make you want to be a better person. They should raise the bar for your personal life. They should inspire you to live better. If you don't feel motivated to be better for your partner's sake, then either they're no good for you, you're drowning in your own self-satisfaction.

For we Christians, the latter is just the kind of pompous arrogance that should warn us to reevaluate our own selfish ambitions. Humility is a very undervalued personality trait in today's society. I am guilty of not having enough of it, I can tell you that with certainty. But now I'm getting off topic, so it's time to say goodnight.

15 Months & Counting...

Yes, my blog entries may be a little fewer and farther between now than they were eight months ago, but ya know what? I'm darn proud of myself for having kept up with this blog now for 15 consecutive months. It's been a wonderful release at times when I've needed it the most, and I look forward to the next 15 months forthcoming.

That being said... do any creative people out there want to help me redesign my blog for 2010? When I branded it with this gosh awful blueish-green theme earlier this year, I did so with the intentions that my website would soon follow suit. Well... I abandoned the website redesign and never revisited my blog. I'd love to have something a little more... masculine? Or at least interesting... If you or someone you know would like to collaborate with me and work towards this goal, I welcome the graphic insight assistance and would graciously pass along the credit of how awesome everything [will] look.

A Familiar Paradox

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and to be loved in return."

That's one of my most favorite quotes because I believe it to be wholly and completely true. The scenario it presents is two-fold: (1) to love someone, and (2) to be loved by that person. When both of these occur simultaneously, the result is "the greatest thing" ever. That's why God gave Eve to Adam.

But... if either of these two halves occurs without the other, it can have a directly opposite effect: utterly helpless grief. That's my paradox. That's my fear. That's my paranoia.

I met this girl recently. All you need to know is that she is terrific. She dances, she sings, and she acts. She loves Jesus, she's got a heart of gold, and she's even on Twitter. And she's beautiful! Her eyes are blue like the sky on a sunny day (I think... we haven't really had many sunny days recently). And as far as I can tell, we're hitting things off. "As far as I can tell" - can you really ever tell what a woman is thinking? But we have all kinds of things in common and we enjoy a lot of fun together whether it's alone or with a group of mutual friends. And she's kind of a Facebook stalker, which I think is awesome.

So sets in the paranoia. Naturally you want to know if someone views you in the same light as you view them. I like this girl, and so it has become a balancing act. Coming on too strong will chase her off. Not coming on at all puts a guy in "the friend zone" which is completely no bueno when you like someone. So I'm paranoid that by thinking about it too much, I'm gonna screw up somehow. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that nonsense.

Quite frankly I'm scared of confronting her with a "DTR" because to do so would admit feelings and initiate the first half of the above equation. What if she isn't feeling the attraction that I am? That would suck. But I guess it's better to find out sooner than later, right? I feel like I've offered enough advice in my day that could be directly applied to the current state of my personal affairs but for some reason, it's only easy to advise on one's circumstances when you don't have a personal stake in them. I wish I had a archive of all the advice I'd ever given people. Then I could go back and read it all again as if someone was giving it to me for the 741st time.

I haven't spoken of this girl to anyone, so if you think you know who it is... you probably don't. Usually when I confide in someone about a girl, it never works out. That's a cycle I'd like to see ended.

One's Own Advice

Often in real life and occasionally on my blog, I like to play the role of a generously blunt, honest, third-party onlooker when it comes to my friends and their relationships with other people, romantic or otherwise.

So why is it that when I find myself in a circumstance similar to the ones I hear most often about, I quite certainly will unconsciously overlook the very same advice that I have dealt to others in the past.

Such is the case now. Having acknowledged the situation, hopefully I will recognize it better in the days/weeks/months ahead. However, if anyone reads this and feels so burdened as to offer some of my own advice back to me, it may serve a very noble purpose.

If you do not wish to know what my circumstance is, you are excused from reading further.

OK so...

I met this girl, whose name will remain hidden except from the 2-3 of you that already know it. When I first saw her, I did not think anything more about her than what goes through my head every time I come across a girl in Athens. "She's breathtaking. Too bad she probably sucks as a person."

Well as it turns out, I was kind of forced into talking to her (long story) only to find out that she's actually a sweetheart, quite bright, terribly cunning, and still utterly breathtaking. She has one trait, however, that I have never found in a girl. The only one I can think of that came close stole my heart away and trampled it to the ground in Colorado. This girl is complex. I don't mean your moody, unpredictable, creative, talented complex, I mean complex like "this is the reason I have a blog" complex. She over-analyzes everything in life and how it's going to affect her future, just like I do. She connects to the minds of people around her and tries to decipher them.

"What are they thinking? How did they feel about that?" "How do they feel about me?" "Did they understand what just happened?" "Do they understand what I just said?" "Of course they said they understood, but do they really understand?"

This girl has the same indescribable complexity that so often drives me to insanity because I feel like no one ever sees the world the way I do.

Before I start rambling I'd better get to my point. All you need to know is that this girl has a spark. I've recognized the spark, but a spark isn't something you can just grab and run with. You'll blow it out by running too fast. It must be handled delicately, precariously.

She has a boyfriend. She's confided some things to me about the relationship that lead me to believe that she's unhappy being in it. Maybe she feels trapped or is afraid of being single (I believe the latter, though she said she wasn't when I asked... typical response), but for whatever reason, she is still relationed with said boyfriend.

Ugh... I hate that word. Boyfriend.

We get along terrifically, though for reasons that I cannot explain here, we literally almost never spend any time together in a social environment. Only two-and-a-half times so far, and I've known her for... let's see... since August 28 makes it... almost 7 weeks to the day since I spoke to her for the first time. The first social outing was legitimate. Dinner at Chick-fil-A (LOVE me some Chick-fil-A!). The second was when I helped her move out of her old place and into a new one (her bf showed up, bleh), and the half-a-time was when I was downtown one night and she dropped by the bar we were in to say hello. Then she was gone again.

So... I want to spend some time with her, but I can't keep asking her to do stuff while she has a boyfriend, no matter how lousy the guy may be for her. And I can't woo a girl with my wit when we don't spend any time together. And then there's some politics I won't go into here.

My conviction is that I need to convince myself that she is just another treacherously attractive, shallow, arrogant, alcoholic female from suburban Atlanta with a mouth like a sailor. Then I can cross her off the list and go back to being miserably single again. That's all I really want. That's my comfort zone.

Epitome of Suck

As could be defined by a less-sleazy edition of Urban Dictionary:

Suck: The state of being unsatisfied with one's present circumstance. i.e. Being highly attracted to a girl who, at worst, wants to be friends or, at best, is attracted back but unconscious of such due to a dying relationship to which she remains loyal.

Romantic Comedies

I need to stop watching romantic comedies. They start out so good, and by the end I'm just thinking to myself how unrealistic it all is.

However, this one I just watched has motivated me, so I'm blogging about it before I go to sleep and wake up feeling normal again.

It motivated me. I had more to say on the issue, but upon writing the first two sentences here, someone IM'd me on Facebook and has distracted me long enough that I've lost the motivation to write about it. Sorry!

Social Media Strategy in Higher Ed

I am counting down the days until the public release of Google Wave.

...but that's irrelevant.

I am still out of a job at the end of September, so if you know anyone hiring a web and social media strategist, please put in a good word for me.

...but that's kind of irrelevant too.

My only regret from the past 14 months with Terry College is that I haven't been given the opportunity to do anything really big and awesome with social media beyond just establishing a presence for interactions.

My supervisors will occasionally send an email out to my department, a FWD from the Dean that says "Look at the creative ways these other universities are using social media! This might give you some ideas for how we can direct our efforts." It kind of sounds like they wish we could do these things, and almost like they want us to do these things. But the truth of the matter is that I have been trained to understand how we're "too busy" and have "higher priorities" than to develop a marketing strategy that is custom-built for leveraging social media.

I have ideas, but the response to sharing them would go something like this: "I agree, it would be great if we had time to develop something like that, but unfortunately right now we just have so many other things that we need to get done before we can commit resources to that kind of thing." You see, we can do these things - I can do these things - but my ideas would be brushed off as non-mission-critical. Which is a mission-critical mistake. After all, when was the last time we ever ran out of stuff to do in higher education?

This lack of innovation will stunt our ability to adapt to trends in the future and since we are already lagging on these social media trends, I would say that the future is now. One day Terry College will need to be more engaged with social media. At that point, I will be long gone because my job expires in a month and two weeks. I'm just a temp employee. Which sucks because I would very much like to take them further into this era of new media.

Done Making Social Phone Calls

Friends,

I'm sick and tired of awkward phone conversations. So I'm done making them. If I call you from now on, it will be for a specific purpose, and that purpose will be stated up front. I will not try to prolong the conversation with frivolous speech. If you want to make a social conversation then that's your responsibility and I welcome it. I want it. But I will not initiate any kind of small talk because, well, I suck at it.

This is being written while I am mad. I'm mad because I just had a 2min phone conversation with a girl that left me feeling naked in a crowded room. And it's been happening this way for a long time now, so I'm just done trying.

I am a fun person.

If you disagree, please let me know so that I don't go on fooling myself. I don't feel like a fun person when I'm on the phone struggling to make conversation with someone I want to get to know better. It worked in high school but this isn't high school anymore.

I have come to the realization that I have got to stop trying to date. I need to stop trying to date and just go about my day as if I am doing it alone. Then I'll invite a girl I'm interested in to come and do with me whatever boring activity I already have planned for myself.

I have got to stop asking "what are you doing later?" which leaves me feeling like a total loser, like I can't make plans until I know her schedule and like I have work around her schedule. It gives her all the power (the kind of power that girls don't want) and it makes me feel like a freaking puppy. Like I'm following her around waiting on HER to do something with ME. Where is the social maturity in that? There is none. I want to wear the pants in the relationship. I need to wear the pants in the relationship. And right now, my current strategy for approaching women completely emasculates me.

I hate it when people ask me "how in the world are you single? You seem like the perfect guy." That just makes me angry. Yes, I believe that I have a lot to offer women and getting asked this question testifies that I'm not the only one that sees it. It's the "getting to know each other" phase that ruins my life. It's the set up before the big finish. If you screw up the delivery to a hilarious punch line, the audience will not respond. That's my problem right now. I can't set up the kind of relationship I want to be in. I will be a really good boyfriend for somebody, but I just can't get to the "hitting things off" phase because my delivery is so bad.

Advisory: Remember who you're talking to if you feel inclined to comment. This is not a pityfest. I don't seek to be consoled. Pity frustrates the crap out of me. Any comment that sounds cliche or sympathetic, I don't need it. I've been given all the cliche positive reinforcement I can stand. If you know me at all, you'll know how much greater I value truth over comfort.

Ode to an abandoned blog

Oh poor abandoned blog, how I miss thee.

You served me well for many months, and for that I am grateful.

Perhaps you served me too well, for you uplifted the burdens of my heart until I no longer sought the emotional outlet you provided.

Now you sit idly by and wait for my thoughts to bleed your pages once more.

What's this? New anguish forebodes a forthcoming chapter.

Awaken, dear blog. For the time of our reunion is here.

Microsoft Bing: Why Bother?

Another news response, this time regarding Microsoft's new search engine Bing:

Microsoft revolutionized PC's for the consumer market back in the mid-90's. They did so with Windows OS and MS Word. Microsoft effectively started what we now call the "digital era." We should thank them for that.

However, since then, they have disregarded web standards in their newest release of Internet Explorer 8 and any time they see an opportunity to do so, they reset IE to be Windows users' default browser (attempting to boot out Firefox and other competitors). They have proven that they cannot be trusted on the web, and should refocus their efforts on their Operating System (because Vista was epic fail) before they lose the majority market share on that, too (enter Apple & others' rising market presence).

Flawed career advice

This is my response to an article about how "Grads need honesty, dependability, work ethic" to land a job:

Let's be honest about the issue, since that's what this article says employers are looking for...

Telling students that employers desire integrity, ethics, and dependability is telling them to fake it. Who doesn't claim to be a dependable hard-worker? And who will honestly admit an ethical weakness? No one... job interviews are all about giving the right answers to convince the potential employer that they are speaking to the perfect candidate for the job.

You can't train someone to be an ethical person. Well maybe in Guantanamo you can, but not in school. A confident smile and a firm handshake can just as easily be a fraudulent betrayal of one's ethical standards, but what else do you have to bank on? You can teach them what's right/wrong, but they will still be dishonest if they are a dishonest person. Of course, you won't pick up on such during an interview because you'll be too distracted by their "self-confident dependability."

Dependability is yet another intangible trait, but employers still try to measure it against a candidate's past experience. This is a flawed metric, though, because recent grads will not have enough relevant experience to properly decipher how dependable they will be in the workplace. And high academic marks are easy enough to attain even for someone that isn't going to use good judgment in their professional life.

All in all, I think the entire system is skewed in favor of those that are dishonest enough to fake the best intentions. Someone that admits their weaknesses will be disadvantaged because, well, they have a weakness. Gee, imagine that...

Facebook Fan Pages Being Misused

"I <3 SLEEP"

The above is an incorrect title of a Facebook Fan Page. There are hundreds of examples of misnamed Fan Pages, this is just one example.

Just look at how Facebook worded the process: "Become a fan." Put that in a sentence with your Fan Page title:

"Become a fan of [insert Fan Page title here]."
"Daniel Fowler became a fan of [insert Fan Page title here]."

If your Fan Page does not sound right in these two statements, it is wrong. Unless "I <3 SLEEP" is the name of a t-shirt business or an underground TV show, then "I <3 SLEEP" should be a Group, NOT a Fan Page.

Fan Pages are designed to be for organizations, bands, celebrities, activities, etc. In a word... nouns. When you start titling a Fan Page with a full statement or verbs or anything that isn't a NOUN... you should be creating a Facebook Group, not a Fan Page.

Please stop naming your Fan Pages incorrectly. And stop joining incorrectly named Fan Pages. Let's defeat this epidemic of amateur content.

Facebook Fan Page Fraud

OK, so it's not fraud EXACTLY... but it's darn close and it is the single most aggravating thing in the [Facebook] world to me. Fraudulent representation of Fan Pages.

Chick-fil-A has an official Fan Page on Facebook. They advertise it on their website, so you know it's legit.

But look at their fan count. As of this being written, 582,871 people have become fans of Chick-fil-A. Is that all? Apprently, yes. Actually, no. There is another Fan Page claiming the same title, just with the "F" being capitalized [incorrectly]. This page has an additional 405,618 fans at the time this article is being written. That is a combined total of 988,489 fans of Chick-fil-A. Account for facebookers that are probably fans of both pages (why would you do that?!), and Chick-fil-A should still have well over 800,00 fans.

Now... Facebook has in place the option to report fan pages. One of the valid reasons for reporting, as listed in the dropdown menu of choices, is "Fake page." I urge everyone reading this to go to the fake page, report it as such, remove your fan status, and become a fan of the real page. If you love Chick-fil-A, you'll do this. Benefit from coupon giveaways, store opening announcements, and avoid the lame status updates from the fake page ("Chick-Fil-A wants to wish everyone a HAPPY DAY!" posted May 12 at 8:18pm - GAG).

Pandora Radio Desktop Application

Dear Pandora,

Maybe I'm alone in feeling this way, but I still prefer having Pandora open on the web instead of via desktop application. The application brings an extra double-click in addition to the browser unless you set it to start with Windows... which people HATE. I think the browser is the first thing most people click on when they start up their computers, anyway, which brings me to my suggestion...

An effective alternative to having an external application, I feel, would be a browser toolbar. So it's "always on top", opens with the browser, and doesn't require its own tab (which I don't mind the tab anyway). Then song ratings are only one click away (versus 2 with a tab or app: once to bring Pandora into focus, and once to rate a song).

OR...

Make the application operate like a stock ticker. Make it 20px high and 400px across. Have the "always on top" option turned on by default. Let it dock against the top or bottom of the screen. Now you've got a non-obtrusive, always on top, click-minimizing application that can operate without the browser, which is pretty much your main marketing point for the current one as it sounds to me.

The sacrifice of my suggestions is the album art. That's easily solved by an icon on the ticker/toolbar that displays the album art onRollover (or mouseOver, depending on your programming language of choice :))

That's all from me for now, thanks for listening!

Romantic Ideology

I'm a hypocrite. I've temporarily removed this post. :) Love you all!

An intro to social media strategy

Many organizations simply ignore the proper ways of interacting before they introduce their brand to social media. They are quick to jump in because it’s trendy and popular, but just having accounts on various popular sites does not guarantee a positive return. In fact, Twitter can harm as easily as it can help if you’re not properly prepared.

The most common mistake of new Twitterers is letting their account become stale after only a few days. Ideally, you’ll want to “tweet” at least 2-3 times a day so that each time someone looks at your page, there is something new for them to see. Often I see pages from institutions that only update once a week or perhaps haven’t updated in over a month. Rarely do I give them the benefit of a doubt that “well maybe they’re just busy lately. I’ll check back next week.” This is common behavior for social users: if it isn’t appealing the first time, they don’t come back a second.

Another frequent mistake from organizations is that they use Twitter only to post events and announcements. While this is acceptable if you have a large following (which means that people are already interested in what you are doing and can therefore get away with it), it is not an effective strategy for gaining followers initially (going back to the significance of the first impression).

I have recommended to my team here in web services to tweet at least twice a day. Additionally, we all have separate personal accounts that we use frequently to keep focused on the true purpose of Twitter: interaction. On Terry College’s official Twitter (@terrycollege), we try to keep the verbiage casual and social. We only announce a few events each week, and we offer several direct, personalized messages to individual followers (students and alumni, mostly) that keep the friendly interactions rolling.

We have not even advertised our own Twitter/Facebook/YouTube accounts on the website yet because we’re still tweaking and synchronizing our brand’s personality on each. We have been now since late last year.

Social Phenomenon: Chick-fil-A

So what is the deal with Chick-fil-A? Do you love it? I have discovered most people either love it or hate it, and usually the thing people hate most about it is how much other people love it. Well I recently observed that I tend to stereotype people that eat at Chick-fil-A.

A few days ago, I went on a sorority date night (SAO, holla!) to a putt-putt golf course. My date and I noticed two girls walking around with Chick-fil-A cups and as we watched them, we realized that we were drawn to them. We wanted to be in their social circle. Which we are, they were two girls we know and are friends with already. Crazy revelation, though! We agreed that in general, seeing a person and being able to associate them with Chick-fil-A makes them more approachable than they would be otherwise. It makes us want to be friends with them.

For example: suppose I saw this amazingly gorgeous girl walking around campus (not uncommon in Athens, GA). Naturally I'd be attracted to her, but I'd immediately assume she was out of my league or a typical downtowner (party gals that go out and get drunk every weekend are not my type). But take that same girl, and put a Chick-fil-A cup in her hand, and suddenly "I have a chance." "I bet we could be friends." "She looks like a really nice person." "I'd like to meet her." "I'll bet we have a lot in common." "She's probably a Christian."

Have you noticed anything like this in your public interactions? It doesn't have to be Chick-fil-A, but is there some arbitrary trait that draws you to people you don't know? Comment it here!

Severe Weather, How Exciting!

I received this email today from the UGA Office of Security & Emergency Preparedness.

News like this, for me, is really exciting! For people that don't love storms though, it might be a good idea for you to know what's coming...

---------------Original Message---------------

Re: Potential severe weather Friday, April 10th

The National Weather Service out of Peachtree City held a conference call about the possibility of severe weather this evening.  We are at a moderate risk for severe weather from 6pm to 10pm. For the Athens area, this is what is forecasted:

6:00 PM - 10:00 PM

• The major threat will be from large hail and gusty winds
  
• Hail ½ inch to 1 inch in size possible
  
• Winds from 60-70 miles/hour possible
  
• There is the possibility of isolated thunderstorms, but the threat from hail and winds is thought to be greater
  
• ½ inch of rain is expected
  
• The storm should be fast moving and leave quickly
  

As a reminder, there are three outdoor tornado sirens located on campus (Chemistry Bldg., Botanical Gardens and Married Housing-Rogers Rd.) which are activated by Athens-Clarke County during a Tornado Warning. In addition, UGAAlert is activated by UGA Police Communications during a Tornado Warning issued for any part of Clarke County. Redundant weather monitoring using NOAA weather radios, listening to AM/FM radio, watching local television or signing up for free weather alerts at www.weather.com  , www.weatherbug.com  or www.breakingweather.com is also strongly encouraged.

John Newton

Office of Security & Emergency Preparedness

University of Georgia

---------------End of Message---------------

"Christian" isn't a title...

...it's a lifestyle.

Use caution when saying you are a Christian or when someone tells you that they are Christian. It's a kind of "American expectation" to be a Christian, and so most people will claim to be and are convinced that they are, even if their lifestyle speaks against it.

On my Facebook profile I have this quote: "'Christian' isn't a title, it's a lifestyle." The Bible lays out instructions several times on how Christians should be living their lives. It even warns us to be wary of people that say they are Christian and are not living as they should be, because their religion is "worthless" (James 1). You cannot write off Christianity as false because some people live hypocritically. I dare say that hypocritical Christians are not Christians at all. The Bible teaches love, humility, and generosity. So you must observe how people are living and decide for yourself whether their actions match what the Bible prescribes as genuine and right.

It takes more than church attendance to follow Christ. Think of it in this light: what will you say to God about how you've lived your life when you stand before Him in heaven? There is forgiveness, and God willingly forgets your sin when you commit your life to living for Him.

See Galatians 5:19-26 (might be tough to grasp, read it slow)

Christians: Please hold me accountable if you believe anything I've said to be misrepresenting.

New Blog Design

So I just redesigned my blog. This style will better match the new website that I'm working on for fowlertown.com.

This is the part where I stop writing and I simply ask for feedback. How do you like the colors? Too girly? (haha) If you have any suggestions, feel free to post them here. Or if you think you can do better, let me know and we'll talk about it. :D

Professional SOS

I believe in the value of relationships and so I put myself on the table upfront, so that recruiters know what to expect from me in an interview or on the job. This "cover letter" is testimony to that fact.

I am a talented web developer and expert in social media, trained on best practices to meet rigorous web standards. I have worked in public higher education, the harshest environment imaginable for a designer, who must transcend stifling barriers to achieve high performance:

1. Multiple layers of an administrative hierarchy,
   
2. Strenuous accessibility requirements under Section 508,
   
3. Higher accessibility liability than any other industry.
   

Now I utilize these high standards in all of my work. So I am seeking a career as a project manager, so that I can pass on my best practices to clients through efficient, high quality solutions.

I also maintain strong moral integrity for myself, which drives me to interact with people in a way that is beneficial to myself, the client, and my represented company. I am tactful with my words and professional with my verbiage, making me an effective, honest communicator.

I often wonder how far I will go in a corporate setting because of that last characteristic: my honesty. In the business world, ethical behavior is often sacrificed for greedy misrepresentations. But that's a game I don't play and I'm unsure how my career may suffer because of it.

Twitter > Blogger

For those of you who loyally follow my blog (there are not many), I would like to apologize for having not posted in almost a month. The reason? I haven't felt compelled to. Probably because I've gotten a lot of good stuff off my chest already in previous posts, but also because I am an avid Tweeter.

Tweeter [twee-ter]: a person who utilizes the Twitter social network.

The best description I ever heard of Twitter is that "it's a blog where your entries are limited to 140 characters." So every day my twitter feed is full of thought-provoking ideas, statements, observations, and rants. So please please please, if you like my blog, you should really get on Twitter and follow my updates there.

Twitter lingo (for the newbies)

@Replies - These are used when you are directing your update to a specific person. For example, if you wanted to respond to something I had written, you would begin your update with "@danielfowler Blah blah blah! You're a dirty dirty boy and I hate your guts."

#Hashtag - These are used for referencing an event or organization. They are helpful for search engines and Twitter-searches for updates related to certain topics. Usually, organizations or event coordinators will designate what specific hashtag should be used when posting on Twitter other social networks. For example, if you attended the South By Southwest conference in Austin last week, you would tweet something like "So many coffee drinkers in this panel discussion! #sxsw" because "#sxsw" was the universal hashtag used for that event. Just tack it onto the end of your updates. :-)

If you have any questions or need help setting up your account, just let me know!

Single Ladies *gag*

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Don't be mad once you see that he want it

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

First things first: my disclaimer.

I admit that it's got a great beat and an awesome dance. And naturally that's going to be what people say to me after this post, as a justification for listening to this song and singing along. So there, I said it. It's catchy.

However, if you're in a room with any number of girls> 1 and this song comes on, there becomes this tangible aura of "girl power." Why is that? It's not because of the beat. It's not because of the dance. It's because of the lyrics. Beyonce (who has already thrown away my respect as a person: see lyrics of Survivor versus lyrics of Naughty Girl) is proclaiming that ohhh, "I'm so fine that you better marry me if you wanna keep another guy from snatching me up." I mean in essence, this is what she's saying. Even though that's a pretty arrogant thing to say, that's not where my dispute lies.

Ladies...

I need you to be realistic with me for just a moment. Please reflect on this long enough to consider your actual response, and do not just brush it off as an exaggerated scenario with all these "well it depends" excuses. That's all bullcrap. Imagine for a few minutes if this actually happened to you: you're dancing in the club with some guy you just started dating/seeing/whatevering and the fool actually drops to a knee, whips out a ring, and proposes to you? I mean he's just doing as the song commands, is he not? That's sweet, isn't it? I mean I'm sure that every single lady in the joint would be very excited to suddenly be not single, right? NO! You would freak the heck out! Unless you've been dating this dude seriously (aka you're in a relationship, aka you're not single so this song doesn't even apply to you so why do you sing it with such self-empowered feminism?), you will scream OMG CREEPER and run off, avoiding the boy every day for the rest of your life.

So it's just ironic to me to hear girls sing this song with so much authority. If you're single because you like being single, then don't sing a song about how a man better commit if he wants to keep you around. If you're single because you're waiting for Mr. Right, don't sing a song with the misguided message that any guy that wants to keep you better give you a ring, and quick! But if you're single against your will, by all means sing this song with all your heart. Just don't slap the guy that jumps the gun on a proposal.

I will make an exception for my usual "do not respond to comments" policy and debate freely, if public comments are made that justify it. :-)

Disclaimer edit: This blog addresses the message that the chorus presents. Taken in context with the verses, the message is for women in long-term relationships with guys that won't commit to forever. Which is a pretty good message. But my aim is to shut up the ridiculousness of the many girls who ignore the verses and only get excited over the chorus.

Jealous Boyfriends

OK, so I know that most of my entries have a very general tone, and that many times I speak about groups of people or large populations. Or at least I hope that you realize that I haven't been yapping about myself. Well this time it's different. This post is specific to me.

Last night (aka early this morning) I made an entry about dancing and how it tends to make a romantically-involved male feel insecure when his lady partakes in doing so without him. Keep that in mind, I'm about to chase a small rabbit. There are 2 things you need to know about me before I get to my point.

1. I have always been indecisive about life, particularly romance. I can never make up my mind whether or not I truly want to pursue a certain girl, until it's too late and some other guy snatches her up. Or maybe I am not indecisive, but she already has a man. Either way, you can understand how this can become a problem.

2. I think that I have finally realized the reason for #1, and it is lust. [begin hypothetical scenario] I think when I find myself attracted to a girl and I'm unsure about it, then it's probably because the really genuine heart-throbbing emotions are not present within me. So I want to be with her, but I'm just not sure that I'm sure about it. Then she starts dating someone else and I decide that I should have stepped up to the plate after all. The reason I didn't, as I only know through 50/50 hindsight, is that before, while she was single, I was so anxious about making the decision of whether or not I wanted to court her, that I could not interact with her in a relaxed manner. I always had to impress her, but I couldn't impress her too much, and I'm just not very good at these kinds of card games. But once she is off-the-market, I was forced to interact with her as a casual friend. This is when I realize that she is the kind of girl I'd want to be with. Oh well, too late now. [end hypothetical scenario]

Expanding on #2, I've recently stumbled upon my old poetry on Poetry.com and one poem in particular, entitled Wish Upon A Moment, describes the kind of feeling that I've gotten around a couple of girls in the past year. Neither of these girls have been single, so I did not / am not courting either of them. But ever since I met each of these 2 specific girls, I have noticed a distinctly different butterfly effect in my stomach whenever I'm around one of them. No indecisive thoughts about it.

So now I'm getting to my point. And my point is simply that I am... a terrible person. Because I delight in evil. Recently one of these girls admitted that her boyfriend was a little jealous of one evening that she and I had spent together a couple of weeks ago. My reaction? I didn't respond to her but I got very hopeful.

So yeah, I'm that guy. That steals your woman. After having accosted Jesus on the issue, I don't feel like it is wrong to try and win the heart of a young lady unless she has a ring on her finger (incoming blog response to that stupid song "Single Ladies," so stay tuned) as long as my intentions with her are decisively pure. Which they are.

So I'm curious to know what any ladies (or gentlemen) have to say on these circumstances. Are you pro- or anti-boyfriend/girlfriend-stealing? Share any experiences or opinions.

Man Up and Dance

You know, I am realizing that a lot of boyfriends get extremely jealous when their girlfriend or significant other when she dances with other guys. Even if it's a group affair, and there is no indication of chemistry between the two, he still doesn't like it at all. But when given the opportunity to man up and take her out on the floor, he declines to do so. What's that all about? Well I'll tell you.

I have to admit that I have been guilty of this in the past as well, so all my negative criticisms should not offend any of you guys out there. I mean even if I'm just crushing on a girl and I see her dancing with another guy, a small piece of my heart wrenches. Even still nowadays. Further, if I don't know how to do the particular dance she's doing, or if she's a better dancer than me, or if her dancing partner is a better dancer than me, I get overcome with a feeling of insecurity. Like I just can't compete. I imagine that the same emotions rush through most guys that find themselves in this kind of situation.

So what do we do about it? Well most commonly, perhaps, the girl stops going out dancing. That's right, she actually gives up a part of her life that she enjoys, just to please some chump that can't handle seeing his girl being happy doing something without him. Well now let's be honest... that just isn't fair to her.

If the guy is not a chump, he should realize that in order to remedy the situation most effectively, he needs to step up, get motivated, and learn how to dance. Even if you don't take lessons, you can learn how to dance just by forcing yourself to do it. I can speak from experience: most of it comes from practice. Step out of your bubble of comfort and look awkward on the dance floor a couple of times. Then he can take her out and be the man dancing with her.

In many cases the guy has already won her heart, so even if he's not a great dancer she is not gonna care. She will enjoy the energy, closeness and sensuality evoked from dancing, and it will be another bond that strengthens the relationship (it can make for a cheap date when you're short on cash, too). The interaction will affect her more deeply than it would with some guy with whom she is not romantically connected.

So put on your dancing shoes, men, because if you sit back and pout, eventually you'll find that she's drifting away from you. Either because you made her give up the pleasure she got from dancing (can be on purpose or by accident), or because you're crying about her continuing to do it without you. That's when you lose her. Don't be a chump. Man up and dance.

Dead Batteries

Have you ever put batteries into an electrical backwards? What happened? Probably nothing.

Well, I'm beginning to notice a trend in the books that I read: books that tell stories and involve action are compelling to me, while books that deal with thought-processes (could be psychology, could be job descriptions, could be "How To's") I find extremely boring and I am too often distracted to finish them.

Let's be more specific. News stories. Many of them involve events that happened where someone did something great or terrible, and I speed through these articles with great enthusiasm (meaning that I'm attentive, not that I pleasure in negative headlines). But after the first 6 paragraphs or so, after the story has been told, the writer often fades into an analysis of the situation and starts talking about circumstances surrounding the event etc etc. Here's where I start to get lost. Eventually I'll just quit reading and go on to the next article.

But if you read my blog often, what do you notice about my entries? Many of them err to the side of VERY psychological, am I right? So why is it that I take pleasure in writing such things, but yet I cannot stay awake for more than 2 minutes when I'm reading a book about web standards or good nutrition? Alright, smart alecs, I think there is more to it than the boring subject matter.

Going back to my battery metaphor (That's right, it was a metaphor. You didn't pick up on that?), I hypothesize that because my brain is wired to observe behavior and analyze processes, that reading about such things is very boring to me. It's like trying to put the positive side of two batteries together. There will be no connection. The things I am less good at, like... having an exciting life or being successful romantically (don't lol or you're a bad person :-), are the things that have the highest readability to me.

Has anyone reading this noticed a similar trend in your reading habits? Are there some books/magazines/genres that you dread and some that really pull you in? Please share.

Seasonal Friends - A Final Note

Again my friend Hayley has brought some incredible insight to the discussion, and I had a small revelation in my car on the way home yesterday. So I wanted to share it here.

1. Hayley made an outstanding point when she said "...if you don't share with people that they are important to you, they will assume that they are not." Whoa! I was blind to this Catch-22 until I read this statement. The whole reason that seasonal friends become seasonal is probably because you never affirmed them as being special to you in the first place!
2. Luke 6:31 is the Biblical foundation of what has been donned the "Golden Rule" of American society: "Do to others as you would have them do to you." [ read this in context ] Whoa again!
3. So you see? What happens is that a person who gets stuck with 5-6 groups of seasonal friends often becomes a seasonal friend his/herself. When they get stuck in "the cycle" that I discussed in my previous entry, it's time to view the situation objectively, and ensure that that their own behavior is saying "hey, I really value our friendship" if that is the sentiment they wish to receive, as well.

I would say be careful not to lay it on to thick, though (foreshadowing an upcoming blog entry)

Don't limit yourself to being a party-planner: make sure that your friends (the ones you want to keep for life) know how much they mean to you. Encourage them and let them know that they are special to you, and it shouldn't be long before the sentiment is returned.

Gee, who knew that scripture could be so simple, yet so profound? Pretty neat stuff. Maybe you didn't realize that the Golden Rule is biblically-founded. Now you know.

This is all I'm going to say about seasonal friends for awhile.

How Friends Become Seasonal

Alright, so in my last post I hopefully communicated what it means to be a seasonal friend and how being such is not the fault of any single individual, nor does it imply a negative sentiment in any way. Everyone has different "seasons" in their life, referring to the various organizations and group activities in which they participate, and so to be seasonal friends simply means that outside of such affiliations, two people infrequently interact with one another. 

Well unfortunately, people with certain personality traits can become locked in a nightmarish cycle of always meeting new people and never developing relationships with them, resulting in an excessive number of "seasonal friends" with whom there is only limited interation.

So why does this happen? What causes a person to be unable to identify his or her closest friends when they seemingly have so many? Well I'm about to tell you...

We've all heard the story of the popular super-hottie in high school that goes stag to the prom. Even though every guy in school wants to take this one girl, they all assume that she already has a date therefore no one actually asks her.

In the same way, I have observed what my friend Hayley alluded to when she commented on my blog entry from last October, which is that people with highly extroverted personalities often are perceived by others as having so many friends and being so popular that "there is no way they don't already have plans this weekend." "They surely have a big party to go to already." "I'd ask them to come over, but they have better friends to hang out with."

When the truth of the matter is that they have no party. No plans. No one inviting them to tag along. Like the popular super-hottie girl, they get overlooked. The misperception that they have many close friends results in having no close friends.

So they end up with excessive amounts of seasonal friends. Not on purpose, but it just happens. They start realizing that if they want to go hang out with friends, they have to plan their own social events. So they take over the hosting duties, but attendance lacks because they do not share a strong enough connection with any group of people, and most of the invitees will make other plans.

The party planner is likely to eventually become frustrated with their social situation, which they still cannot identify with words. They start feeling like all of the effort that they are putting into maintaining friendships is going unnoticed and unrequited. In severe cases, the person becomes depressed or angry, has no one to confide in (Catch-22), and will stop trying to develop relationships altogether.

So they continue as they always have, just because they still have that same outgoing personality. They are the life of the party, but they go alone. Everyone enjoys their company but no one asks for it. They try to reach out occasionally but are quickly discouraged by responses "no thanks" or "not this time."

Man, that's gotta be tough. I'm a little depressed just from writing about it. My advice to people that don't want to be a seasonal friend? Try to identify the people that you've always assumed are too busy to hang out with you and your possé. Invite them to stuff. I'll bet they come. Maybe not to the first one, but they will come if you are persistent.

For my fellow party-planners, if I discover any strategies for breaking out of the cycle, I will post them.

Seasonal Friends

Props to Hayley for reminding me that I need to follow up my previous post:

[ Small Group Community ]

If someone called you a "seasonal friend," would you be offended? What would that mean to you? 

I have approximately 800 or so seasonal friends. You're probably one of them. But before you get all excited and defensive, answer these questions to yourself:

• When was the last time we hung out 1-on-1 or in a small group of 3-6 people with no purpose aside from just hanging out?
  
• Do you have my cell number stored in your phone? Do I have yours? Scroll through your call logs and find the last time we spoke.
  
• When was the last time you even saw me? Did we speak? For how long?
  
• The last time that we did speak, did the conversation end on something like "let's get together" or "just call me"?

Seasonal friend: A close acquaintance with whom an individual only engages during large group events or formally organized activities.

e.g. Redcoat Band friends, Wesley Foundation friends, BCM friends, intramural teammates, Athens Church small group, Chick-fil-A co-workers, OYP kids.

I am involved in a lot of stuff, and because of it I have developed relationships with a crazy number of people. But outside of our mutual extracurriculars, I don't really hang out with anyone. There is not one person with whom I regularly go out for drinks or games or social activities of any kind. For Redcoats, it's football season; for BCM, it's dinner theatre season; for Athens Church, it's Sundays; for Wesley, it's Wednesdays, but outside of these "seasons," I rarely ever see these people.

By now you should be understanding where I'm coming from when I refer to "seasonal friends," and realize that isn't at all a bad thing. It's just an unfortunate circumstance that accompanies certain lifestyles blending with specific personalities. Maybe you experience something similar. Don't blame yourself or your possé, for there is no conscious behavior that can lead to this social phenomenon.

Referencing my previous post entitled [ Small Group Community ], some people become "social drifters." They constantly meet tons of new people through various activities, clubs, and events, to the point that they become trapped; they end up with hordes of friends, but never slow down enough to develop meaningful relationships. Even my small group, though I love all the guys and feel very close to each one, fails the test of spending time together outside of our alotted weekly meeting.

So while I am grateful to be blessed with so many friends, it would be even greater to actually have plans on the weekend and lunch dates during the week. Strengthening one another and developing relationships that are deeper and more intimate. Encouraging, advising, being encouraged and being advised. Sitting down and discussing all things instead of simply greeting and departing.

I love the seasons. They just don't last long enough.

Upcoming Topic:

How Friends Become Seasonal

Commitment Issues - A Love Phobia

Where do you think commitment issues come from?

It is natural that a person would be afraid of committing if they have been greatly distressed or abused (emotionally or physically, but isn't physical abuse emotionally damaging, anyway? So it's an emotional abuse in and of itself), but when there is no history of being abused, where does this "love phobia" originate?

Assuming there is not some memory of damage, as described above, that is being suppressed, then I would suggest that a fear of commitment can stem from an overwhelming desire to find true love. This desire may be conscious (as with me) or subconscious, and can cause a person to become deathly afraid of making a bad long-term decision by staying with any one person for a lengthy amount of time.

A Catch-22 if you ask me, because in effect what happens is that a person will be romantically involved with someone for only as long as it takes for them to begin recognizing feelings of love. Then suddenly, and sometimes unpredictably, they will push away because they (maybe irrationally) will question their feelings or the intentions of the other person, and become afraid that they are falling for the wrong person. In an effort to prevent being hurt down the road, they abandon the affection that they may have been entertaining for several months.

So how does one get out of the cycle of falling in love and running away? If they cannot find a resolution, they may very well find themselves living out what is ultimately their biggest fear: spending a large portion of their adult life alone. No bueno.

Then there are other potential causes for having "love phobia", such as fearing that prolonged romance will interfere with ones professional life, professional aspirations, religious beliefs, or familial relationships. But these are all pretty easily recognized, and so I am not going to discuss them here.

Please leave your thoughts on the subject!