Done Making Social Phone Calls

Friends,

I'm sick and tired of awkward phone conversations. So I'm done making them. If I call you from now on, it will be for a specific purpose, and that purpose will be stated up front. I will not try to prolong the conversation with frivolous speech. If you want to make a social conversation then that's your responsibility and I welcome it. I want it. But I will not initiate any kind of small talk because, well, I suck at it.

This is being written while I am mad. I'm mad because I just had a 2min phone conversation with a girl that left me feeling naked in a crowded room. And it's been happening this way for a long time now, so I'm just done trying.

I am a fun person.

If you disagree, please let me know so that I don't go on fooling myself. I don't feel like a fun person when I'm on the phone struggling to make conversation with someone I want to get to know better. It worked in high school but this isn't high school anymore.

I have come to the realization that I have got to stop trying to date. I need to stop trying to date and just go about my day as if I am doing it alone. Then I'll invite a girl I'm interested in to come and do with me whatever boring activity I already have planned for myself.

I have got to stop asking "what are you doing later?" which leaves me feeling like a total loser, like I can't make plans until I know her schedule and like I have work around her schedule. It gives her all the power (the kind of power that girls don't want) and it makes me feel like a freaking puppy. Like I'm following her around waiting on HER to do something with ME. Where is the social maturity in that? There is none. I want to wear the pants in the relationship. I need to wear the pants in the relationship. And right now, my current strategy for approaching women completely emasculates me.

I hate it when people ask me "how in the world are you single? You seem like the perfect guy." That just makes me angry. Yes, I believe that I have a lot to offer women and getting asked this question testifies that I'm not the only one that sees it. It's the "getting to know each other" phase that ruins my life. It's the set up before the big finish. If you screw up the delivery to a hilarious punch line, the audience will not respond. That's my problem right now. I can't set up the kind of relationship I want to be in. I will be a really good boyfriend for somebody, but I just can't get to the "hitting things off" phase because my delivery is so bad.

Advisory: Remember who you're talking to if you feel inclined to comment. This is not a pityfest. I don't seek to be consoled. Pity frustrates the crap out of me. Any comment that sounds cliche or sympathetic, I don't need it. I've been given all the cliche positive reinforcement I can stand. If you know me at all, you'll know how much greater I value truth over comfort.

Ode to an abandoned blog

Oh poor abandoned blog, how I miss thee.

You served me well for many months, and for that I am grateful.

Perhaps you served me too well, for you uplifted the burdens of my heart until I no longer sought the emotional outlet you provided.

Now you sit idly by and wait for my thoughts to bleed your pages once more.

What's this? New anguish forebodes a forthcoming chapter.

Awaken, dear blog. For the time of our reunion is here.