Single Ladies *gag*

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Don't be mad once you see that he want it

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

First things first: my disclaimer.

I admit that it's got a great beat and an awesome dance. And naturally that's going to be what people say to me after this post, as a justification for listening to this song and singing along. So there, I said it. It's catchy.

However, if you're in a room with any number of girls> 1 and this song comes on, there becomes this tangible aura of "girl power." Why is that? It's not because of the beat. It's not because of the dance. It's because of the lyrics. Beyonce (who has already thrown away my respect as a person: see lyrics of Survivor versus lyrics of Naughty Girl) is proclaiming that ohhh, "I'm so fine that you better marry me if you wanna keep another guy from snatching me up." I mean in essence, this is what she's saying. Even though that's a pretty arrogant thing to say, that's not where my dispute lies.

Ladies...

I need you to be realistic with me for just a moment. Please reflect on this long enough to consider your actual response, and do not just brush it off as an exaggerated scenario with all these "well it depends" excuses. That's all bullcrap. Imagine for a few minutes if this actually happened to you: you're dancing in the club with some guy you just started dating/seeing/whatevering and the fool actually drops to a knee, whips out a ring, and proposes to you? I mean he's just doing as the song commands, is he not? That's sweet, isn't it? I mean I'm sure that every single lady in the joint would be very excited to suddenly be not single, right? NO! You would freak the heck out! Unless you've been dating this dude seriously (aka you're in a relationship, aka you're not single so this song doesn't even apply to you so why do you sing it with such self-empowered feminism?), you will scream OMG CREEPER and run off, avoiding the boy every day for the rest of your life.

So it's just ironic to me to hear girls sing this song with so much authority. If you're single because you like being single, then don't sing a song about how a man better commit if he wants to keep you around. If you're single because you're waiting for Mr. Right, don't sing a song with the misguided message that any guy that wants to keep you better give you a ring, and quick! But if you're single against your will, by all means sing this song with all your heart. Just don't slap the guy that jumps the gun on a proposal.

I will make an exception for my usual "do not respond to comments" policy and debate freely, if public comments are made that justify it. :-)

Disclaimer edit: This blog addresses the message that the chorus presents. Taken in context with the verses, the message is for women in long-term relationships with guys that won't commit to forever. Which is a pretty good message. But my aim is to shut up the ridiculousness of the many girls who ignore the verses and only get excited over the chorus.

Jealous Boyfriends

OK, so I know that most of my entries have a very general tone, and that many times I speak about groups of people or large populations. Or at least I hope that you realize that I haven't been yapping about myself. Well this time it's different. This post is specific to me.

Last night (aka early this morning) I made an entry about dancing and how it tends to make a romantically-involved male feel insecure when his lady partakes in doing so without him. Keep that in mind, I'm about to chase a small rabbit. There are 2 things you need to know about me before I get to my point.

1. I have always been indecisive about life, particularly romance. I can never make up my mind whether or not I truly want to pursue a certain girl, until it's too late and some other guy snatches her up. Or maybe I am not indecisive, but she already has a man. Either way, you can understand how this can become a problem.

2. I think that I have finally realized the reason for #1, and it is lust. [begin hypothetical scenario] I think when I find myself attracted to a girl and I'm unsure about it, then it's probably because the really genuine heart-throbbing emotions are not present within me. So I want to be with her, but I'm just not sure that I'm sure about it. Then she starts dating someone else and I decide that I should have stepped up to the plate after all. The reason I didn't, as I only know through 50/50 hindsight, is that before, while she was single, I was so anxious about making the decision of whether or not I wanted to court her, that I could not interact with her in a relaxed manner. I always had to impress her, but I couldn't impress her too much, and I'm just not very good at these kinds of card games. But once she is off-the-market, I was forced to interact with her as a casual friend. This is when I realize that she is the kind of girl I'd want to be with. Oh well, too late now. [end hypothetical scenario]

Expanding on #2, I've recently stumbled upon my old poetry on Poetry.com and one poem in particular, entitled Wish Upon A Moment, describes the kind of feeling that I've gotten around a couple of girls in the past year. Neither of these girls have been single, so I did not / am not courting either of them. But ever since I met each of these 2 specific girls, I have noticed a distinctly different butterfly effect in my stomach whenever I'm around one of them. No indecisive thoughts about it.

So now I'm getting to my point. And my point is simply that I am... a terrible person. Because I delight in evil. Recently one of these girls admitted that her boyfriend was a little jealous of one evening that she and I had spent together a couple of weeks ago. My reaction? I didn't respond to her but I got very hopeful.

So yeah, I'm that guy. That steals your woman. After having accosted Jesus on the issue, I don't feel like it is wrong to try and win the heart of a young lady unless she has a ring on her finger (incoming blog response to that stupid song "Single Ladies," so stay tuned) as long as my intentions with her are decisively pure. Which they are.

So I'm curious to know what any ladies (or gentlemen) have to say on these circumstances. Are you pro- or anti-boyfriend/girlfriend-stealing? Share any experiences or opinions.

Man Up and Dance

You know, I am realizing that a lot of boyfriends get extremely jealous when their girlfriend or significant other when she dances with other guys. Even if it's a group affair, and there is no indication of chemistry between the two, he still doesn't like it at all. But when given the opportunity to man up and take her out on the floor, he declines to do so. What's that all about? Well I'll tell you.

I have to admit that I have been guilty of this in the past as well, so all my negative criticisms should not offend any of you guys out there. I mean even if I'm just crushing on a girl and I see her dancing with another guy, a small piece of my heart wrenches. Even still nowadays. Further, if I don't know how to do the particular dance she's doing, or if she's a better dancer than me, or if her dancing partner is a better dancer than me, I get overcome with a feeling of insecurity. Like I just can't compete. I imagine that the same emotions rush through most guys that find themselves in this kind of situation.

So what do we do about it? Well most commonly, perhaps, the girl stops going out dancing. That's right, she actually gives up a part of her life that she enjoys, just to please some chump that can't handle seeing his girl being happy doing something without him. Well now let's be honest... that just isn't fair to her.

If the guy is not a chump, he should realize that in order to remedy the situation most effectively, he needs to step up, get motivated, and learn how to dance. Even if you don't take lessons, you can learn how to dance just by forcing yourself to do it. I can speak from experience: most of it comes from practice. Step out of your bubble of comfort and look awkward on the dance floor a couple of times. Then he can take her out and be the man dancing with her.

In many cases the guy has already won her heart, so even if he's not a great dancer she is not gonna care. She will enjoy the energy, closeness and sensuality evoked from dancing, and it will be another bond that strengthens the relationship (it can make for a cheap date when you're short on cash, too). The interaction will affect her more deeply than it would with some guy with whom she is not romantically connected.

So put on your dancing shoes, men, because if you sit back and pout, eventually you'll find that she's drifting away from you. Either because you made her give up the pleasure she got from dancing (can be on purpose or by accident), or because you're crying about her continuing to do it without you. That's when you lose her. Don't be a chump. Man up and dance.

Dead Batteries

Have you ever put batteries into an electrical backwards? What happened? Probably nothing.

Well, I'm beginning to notice a trend in the books that I read: books that tell stories and involve action are compelling to me, while books that deal with thought-processes (could be psychology, could be job descriptions, could be "How To's") I find extremely boring and I am too often distracted to finish them.

Let's be more specific. News stories. Many of them involve events that happened where someone did something great or terrible, and I speed through these articles with great enthusiasm (meaning that I'm attentive, not that I pleasure in negative headlines). But after the first 6 paragraphs or so, after the story has been told, the writer often fades into an analysis of the situation and starts talking about circumstances surrounding the event etc etc. Here's where I start to get lost. Eventually I'll just quit reading and go on to the next article.

But if you read my blog often, what do you notice about my entries? Many of them err to the side of VERY psychological, am I right? So why is it that I take pleasure in writing such things, but yet I cannot stay awake for more than 2 minutes when I'm reading a book about web standards or good nutrition? Alright, smart alecs, I think there is more to it than the boring subject matter.

Going back to my battery metaphor (That's right, it was a metaphor. You didn't pick up on that?), I hypothesize that because my brain is wired to observe behavior and analyze processes, that reading about such things is very boring to me. It's like trying to put the positive side of two batteries together. There will be no connection. The things I am less good at, like... having an exciting life or being successful romantically (don't lol or you're a bad person :-), are the things that have the highest readability to me.

Has anyone reading this noticed a similar trend in your reading habits? Are there some books/magazines/genres that you dread and some that really pull you in? Please share.