But now that that relationship is over, I am having a hard time duplicating the mysterious sensuality that we shared. "Duplicating" is a poor word choice because I know how terrible it would be to try and duplicate a past relationship. That just has bad written all over it. But I miss the emotion, the thoughtfulness, and the effort that it took to make it as exciting as it was.
Now I'm seeing an amazing new girl. She has a sound mind, a tender heart, a sober mouth, and knock-out beauty. But she is easier to read, much less mysterious, and so I'm struggling to be not boring around her. How do you put a spark into a straight "dinner & movie" date? We're not in a relationship, we're just sort of dating right now (barely even that), but I'm not getting that nervous little urge to surprise her with a clever gesture like before.
So now I am wondering: in a new relationship (generally speaking), if I am not having to be super suave, super romantic, and super spontaneous, then does that mean that we're not connecting? I don't want things to get boring, but I am afraid that my life is just not interesting enough to keep a girl entertained if the relationship does not spark that ingenuity.
I have not thought about this a whole lot, but it's about time for a new post and since I can't get this new girl out of my head, I am hoping that writing about it will give me a revelation to sweep her off her feet. I think maybe it's just a little too early for ingenuity to be necessary or to come naturally, and that with a little time, I might feel at liberty to interact with her more creatively. I will post again on this when it's relevant.
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3 comments:
I think that every relationship is different...the best relationship I have ever been in (the one I am in right now) isn't necessarily full of tons of those chick-flick-y romantic surprises...just the right amount of thoughtfulness and well-planned dates. Personally, too much romantic showmanship starts to make me nervous in a relationship. I feel like I can't be myself. Like I always have to be made up and ready to whisked away somewhere. Very silly.
BUT, if you want to do something special for this girl, do it. The best thing about romantic surprises is that a girl doesn't have to ask for them, and the guy has to put themselves a little bit on the line. We, generally speaking, like that stuff (but then again, I don't know this girl). Thoughtfulness is key, but you don't have to make life like The Notebook. ugh.
haha have a good christmas!
rachel
I've currently read this book called the "Five Love Languages". What I got out of it...and perhaps what you might could find applicable is that feeling follows action. You might not feel feeling at first, but the more you act like it, the more you'll feel it. It also talks about the exciting part of a relationship vs. the committed part. I agree too with what Rachael said, and that little things can mean the world to a girl :) Read the book if you can...hope you find the answers you're looking for!
Cousin,
This might not be right thing to say, but as a recently married person and deliriously happy newlywed, I would say that when it's the right person, you won't worry about being "suave" or even think that going out on a regular date is boring, b/c you will simply love to be together, anytime, anywhere, in any situation, no matter how "boring." We can do Taco Bell and rent a movie at Vision, and I enjoy my time and feel just as entertained and "non-bored" as if David took me to a fancy dinner, because we just love to be together. It sounds like your last girlfriend's love language required big romantic gestures. Maybe this new girl just shows affection in a different way, and so you don't know yet how to show her you care. That could be why you feel like you're not connecting. You won't interact with every girl in the same way, so be patient and don't write this girl off just b/c you don't feel the urge to make the big gesture. Hope that helps!
Katie Grubbs
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